Brendan in Japan: Toilet

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Toilet

My new apartment's toilet is amazing. Of course, being Japan, the toilet seat is nicely heated and a selection of water jets are available to spray your bum, with hot air to dry it afterwards. What really makes this the Jaguar of Japanese toilets is that it has an electric-motor powered seat. I press a button and the lid raises, closes and so on. What's more these buttons are available on a remote control. Yes a remote control.

A prize to anyone who can visualize a situation in which I might need to close (or indeed open) my toilet seat with a remote control.

There's so many buttons in fact that I'm at a loss at what they might be for. However, as this apartment was built for the Boss, maybe they have powerful functions. Maybe I'm turning the fountain in the quad on or off, or maybe one will reveal a secret chamber where the Harem waits, or will launch the emergency get-away rocket ship.

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The story

I arrived here in Japan in 2005 on a scholarship. I was gleefully ignorant about the country, ill-prepared and basically only came because I wouldn't have to pay a thing and well... it seemed cool.

At first I hated much of it: the food, the accommodation, and the prospect of being blown away by an approaching Typhoon. But now, two years later, I love it.

I have spent my time learning Japanese (fascinating in numerous ways), frivilled away too much time in the time-warp capsules of Japanese style internet cafes, camped it up with some barbershop, and been to lots of festivals - some beautiful, some with lots of fire, and some with lots of fire where I got drunk and joined in.

There's been the odd bit of travelling around Asia too, with trips to China, the Bridge over the River Kwai in Thailand, Korea and the homeless snows of Northern Japan.

During my time I've had some surprises: professors that find it de rigeur to start a scholarship with an organized boozing session; a nation of women that are enchanted by the western male; or a the cultural-muddle that is a Japanese Christmas. (Especially hearing about how - in a particularly inspired feat of confusion - a department store once presented a Chrismas scene with Santa nailed to a cross.)

I 've also been baffled by the odd gadget, impressed by the odd bit of Japanese design (confused by others) and been delighted by the warped incorporation of English into Japanese.

Started as a "day job" my teaching position at a local primary school has turned into my daily pleasure. Though part of the Tsuzuki Gakuen (a kind of Microsoft of Japanese education), which means even regular school events like Sports Day are a bit odd, children are simply the most fascinating and amusing category of human being alive. (See above.)

Two years since arriving, I now enjoy reflecting in words or pictures more generally on Japan: Everything from Japan's sex industry, its unique approach to religion, to its vending-machine fetish.

In April 2008, I finished teaching and moved to Tokyo, where I am currently interning for a Japanese MP, deep in the heart of the Japanese political system. Which is another way of saying I clean cups and answer the phone.

All Over

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Toilet

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